Losing a Pet

Whether or not you have had a pet, it is evident that in our culture, pets play an important part in our lives and families. Often referred to as a sibling or child, we attach to our pets, just as we attach to our own flesh and blood. Merit must be paid to the reality of pet loss and the very real grief that occurs therein.

To understand the impact of animal grief, we must acknowledge the unique human-animal bond. Most often, our bond with animals is based on genuine and consistent unconditional love and acceptance.  Although we often place more merit on human connection, this kind of pure love is often hard to get with people. Pets are thus particularly valuable when we are physically or psychologically distanced from safe and healthy attachments with people. In fact, the definition of an attachment relationship is one that fulfills needs of safety and security, and thus animals most certainly can fill this niche.

Losing a pet can be devastating, particularly on families (different grieving styles, decisions about euthanizing…), children (not understanding, first encounters with death…), and the elderly (who can often rely on animals as a main source of social contact, purpose, and joy). And yet we tend to minimize pet loss as a society, leaving people feeling alone and blocked off from a healthy and natural grieving process. This is not ok, and below I offer some reminders to use for yourself of to guide your interactions with others who are grieving, in order to help break the silence, enabling an encouraging people to properly grieve their beloved pets: 

1-    Acknowledge and validate that the loss is extremely important

2-    Encourage yourself/others to talk about your pet, the circumstances of the loss, and emotions related to the loss

3-    Give yourself/others permission to grieve: it is natural and necessary

4-    Enlist the support of others in general (don’t isolate- many people can relate and help share in your pain)

5-    Seek support regarding challenging decisions (e.g. to cremate or bury the pet, to get a new pet…etc.)

6-    Read self-help books

7-    Look into pet-loss support groups in your neighborhood

8-    Seek counseling

It is natural and healthy to feel deeply saddened by the loss of a valued pet, so offer yourself the gift of allowing yourself to grieve it fully.

Submitted by Naomi Adams, March 2015

Graduate Intern at Shanti Counselling Centre