Friday, September 19, 2014

The Value of Courage

Before I started my journey into counseling and self-discovery, I believed that courage was a word that was reserved for almighty heroes- picture brave men in armor going out to war. Perhaps I read too many fairy tales or saw too many stereotypical movies, but the word courage seemed like something much bigger than something I could relate to in my every day life. Turns out, I was very wrong. Now, I want to share with you what I learned about courage and how this can help you toward your personal goals of change and growth.

Courage lives in every day actions. While facing your biggest fears requires courage, so does choosing to get up in the morning at times. A simple way I like to define courage is this: taking risks beyond your comfort zone, in the direction you wish to be facing. The word “beyond” does not mean throwing yourself in the deep end, or reaching your ultimate goal of the “perfect you.” It can be far more subtle than that; and in fact, I would argue that small daily acts of courage will lead you to toward your goal more fully and fruitfully than taking the express train out of your comfort zone and arriving somewhere highly unfamiliar. For example, lets say you want to become more social, specifically, to make more friends. The picture perfect of courage in this instance might be to go to a party full of people you don’t know, and be completely cool, charming, captivating, delightful, fabulous…(you see where I am going here?). This notion of courage, the kind that requires extreme discomfort/fear and for you to be someone that you are not, not only invalidates your strengths, but also sets you up to fail and feel discouraged to try again.

The kind of courage I want to shine a light on in this excerpt is the kind that usually goes unnoticed to those around you, and oftentimes, to yourself. It’s the kind that you only hear when you listen, and that grows when nurtured. This kind of courage exists just for you, and is custom made for your own personal goals. How can you capitalize on this valuable resource? Here is a general outline to help you access and build upon your courage and in turn reach your goals:

1)                   Build awareness  – Become aware of what courage looks and feels like to you. Being clear on what exactly courage is helps you to see and seize opportunities to engage it. We all encounter challenges every day that require our courage (interacting with others, asking questions, offering help, expressing feelings…anything that makes you feel a tinge of vulnerability). What does courage mean to you? What does it look like in relation to your personal goals? Turn inward and look for that that sense of potential to do or think something that may help you become or achieve something you want to. Ask yourself what risk you could take that would be just one step outside of your comfort zone. 
*Reminder: Often times, society’s portrayal of courage invalidates subtle, daily-life courage (the gold we are talking about!), so it helpful to continually remind yourself that courage is about what feels courageous to you, not what it may look like for anyone else.

2)                   Practice – Use your newfound awareness consciously. When you find that balance point between risk and reward, try it, get creative, and trust that you can do it. If it does not work out, fear not- you also have the courage to make mistakes. It takes far more courage to try something, fall short, and try again, than it does to get it right on the first go. Trust that you can get back up on the horse- you can, and you can bring a deepened sense of courage and resiliency with you.

3)                   Give yourself credit – people often forget this last step, and yet it may be the most important steps of all! Its important to give yourself credit for the courage you manifest every day. By validating your skills, it helps to build your confidence- that sense of “I CAN.” It is that sense that is true courage, not an idealistic “perfect you”.

The purpose of offering this general outline was to encourage you. To encourage is not to pressure, demand or criticize. It involves listening to your needs and goals, and nurturing them with compassion. Encourage yourself and encourage others, as it is the small acts of courage that occur every day which help us create the change we want to see in our lives.

And when it doubt, have the courage to be imperfect J  


submitted by Naomi Adams, Graduate Student Intern


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