Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tips on How to Enjoy Your Sexuality... Frequently

Last night, I posted some information about sex, sexual frequency & variety... and indicated that I would add more info later. So here it is...

Many people are concerned about their sexual frequency, but one of the greatest problems with respect to this worry is the fact that many people have a very narrow idea of what sex entails. I was talking with a friend last night, who indicated that she was bored of her sexual activity because she and her partner "do the same thing every time." This same "thing" includes foreplay for a few minutes and then heterosexual intercourse to orgasm. This activity is what most people consider "sex." But what about all the other lovely activities??

"Sex" can include a very wide range of activities -- kissing, nibbling, touching, rubbing, tickling, licking, sucking, talking, eating... and the list can go on and on. The wonderful thing about variety is that some activities require only a small amount of energy, while others involve more energy. You can enjoy your sexuality in small doses -- you don't have to simply focus on intercourse or orgasm... you can incorporate little things into your daily routine.

In reality, you can make any activity sexual... just incorporate a little eroticism into your thoughts and activities. Here are some simple suggestions for enjoying yourself and your body:

• Touch your body with love, eroticism, and intention.
• Purposefully make out with your partner, with the intention of NOT having an orgasm.
• Tell yourself how hot you look in the mirror.
• Gently touch and caress your partner's body... and your own.
• Dress in clothing that accentuates your features and makes you feel sexy.
• Touch yourself in front of a mirror.
• Masturbate in front of your partner.
• Fantasize.
• Feed your partner with a sexy attitude.
• Have a bath with your partner.... with candles.

These are just a few small ways that you can incorporate sex into your daily activities. Remember... "sex" does not always have to lead to intercourse or orgasm. Opening your mind about what sex entails can help you to enjoy sexual activities more frequently -- the psychological and sexological literature suggests that those engaging in frequent, satisfying sexual interactions are happier in their lives and relationships. So go ahead and get your sex on! :)

The Shanti Counselling Centre~ Burnaby BC ~ Vancouver BC

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Let's Talk About Sex -- Sexual Frequency

Sex... it's a mystical phenomenon, isn't it? We have "rules" in our society that suggest that we do not talk about this topic. When we do, we're told that we're perverts, given a funny or uncomfortable look, laughed at, brushed off... or my favourite reaction is the almighty changing of the subject. :) [That's my Mom's favourite approach... sometimes I feel bad for her when people ask her what I do for a living and she has to respond, "She's a relationship and sex therapist." I can just see her turning 3 shades of red.]

The interesting thing in our culture is that in some ways we're told not to talk about sex... and at the same time we are bombarded with sexual stimuli everywhere we look -- billboards, magazines, movies, the internet, etc. How in the world are we supposed to make sense of this conflicting message? A lot of people don't even stop to think about the conflicting messages that are out there and the impact that this has on one's life and relationships. My opinion is that we should start talking about sex more often! Sex feels good... we all want more of it... and did I mention that it feels good? :) So... let's talk about sex! Let's make a new trend that says it's ok to talk about these issues.

A favourite topic of mine is sexual frequency. I have a lot of people come into my office, worrying that they are abnormal because they don't have the desire to have sex at the frequency that they think is normal. What exactly is a "normal sexual frequency?" Are you "normal" if you have sex twice/week... twice/month.... twice/year? The sociocultural messages might make you think that your sexual frequency is abnormal. What do you do in a situation like this? Do you ask your friends? Most people who come into my office are not asking their friends.... they're too afraid that their friends will think their abnormal! So... a lot of people walk around wondering if they are normal.

My attitude is sex-positive. What that means in relation to sexual frequency is that there is no such thing as "normal." As a sexologist, my opinion is that people should be having as much sex as they want... as long as they are not hurting or exploiting other people. The fantastic thing about sex is that there are many ways to enjoy sexual stimulation... even if you have a partner who has a different sexual appetite. Sex can include a variety of activities that accommodate one's energy level.

More on this topic later...
The Shanti Counselling Centre

We Are The Shanti Counselling Centre

Welcome to our first blog entry. My name is Danielle Duplassie and I am the Founder and Director of The Shanti Counselling Centre. We are located in beautiful Burnaby, British Columbia... on the cusp of East Vancouver and steps away from the Gilmore skytrain station.

I created The Shanti Counselling Centre because I had a vision for health and healing that was holistic. Society, at large, is growing toward a reductionistic, pathologically-minded approach to problems in living and I think this is a problematic worldview. People are being labelled with anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, eating disorders, sexual disorders... and the list goes on and on and on. Our approach at The Shanti Counselling Centre is holistic in the sense that we do not reduce people to their symptoms and simply suggest that they take pills to feel better (though we are not opposed to using medications as a complimentary tool to psychotherapy). We are interested in looking at the person as a Whole -- exploring the biological, psychological, sociological, and spiritual aspects that contribute to normal, everyday problems in living. Our view is that all behaviours and mental health symptoms are "signs" that something is not right internally. We help clients make their implicit processes explicit.... equipping them with the awareness they need to make mindful choices in their lives, ultimately contributing to greater peace and happiness.

We currently have a team of seven counsellors who are trained in a variety of clinical approaches and interventions. Essentially... whatever struggle you are facing, we have a counsellor who is equipped to work with you. If we are not equipped to help you, we will find a counsellor or psychologist who is. The areas in which most of our counsellors have unique and specialized training include romantic partnerships, sexuality issues / concerns, and working with the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and/or queer populations.

Our philosophy is to offer accessible services to clients from all walks of life. We provide a free half-hour consultation to all new clients, a fee structure based on a sliding scale, and offer free workshops in the community on a regular basis. In addition to these services, we have a contract with the BC Problem Gambling program, which enables us to offer free counselling to anyone who struggles with problematic gambling, as well as those impacted by the gambling behaviours of someone else.

Not only do we desire to contribute to the health and well-being of the community, but we also think it's important to help and guide graduate students in training. We provide supervision and guidance to Masters-level graduate students who are completing their programs in counselling-related disciplines. Our graduate interns provide counseling services for $25/session.

If you or someone you know would benefit from our services, please get in touch with us to book your free half-hour consultation -- 604.773.3100.

Warm Regards.
Danielle Duplassie
 

Counselling Burnaby BC ~ The Shanti Counselling Centre ~ Counselling Vancouver BC


Vancouver BC Counselling and Therapy. Professional Counselling Services for Individuals, Couples, and Families. Registered Clinical Counsellors. Danielle Duplassie. Counseling and therapy services in the Vancouver, Burnaby and lower mainland areas of BC.