Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Let's Talk About Sex -- Sexual Frequency

Sex... it's a mystical phenomenon, isn't it? We have "rules" in our society that suggest that we do not talk about this topic. When we do, we're told that we're perverts, given a funny or uncomfortable look, laughed at, brushed off... or my favourite reaction is the almighty changing of the subject. :) [That's my Mom's favourite approach... sometimes I feel bad for her when people ask her what I do for a living and she has to respond, "She's a relationship and sex therapist." I can just see her turning 3 shades of red.]

The interesting thing in our culture is that in some ways we're told not to talk about sex... and at the same time we are bombarded with sexual stimuli everywhere we look -- billboards, magazines, movies, the internet, etc. How in the world are we supposed to make sense of this conflicting message? A lot of people don't even stop to think about the conflicting messages that are out there and the impact that this has on one's life and relationships. My opinion is that we should start talking about sex more often! Sex feels good... we all want more of it... and did I mention that it feels good? :) So... let's talk about sex! Let's make a new trend that says it's ok to talk about these issues.

A favourite topic of mine is sexual frequency. I have a lot of people come into my office, worrying that they are abnormal because they don't have the desire to have sex at the frequency that they think is normal. What exactly is a "normal sexual frequency?" Are you "normal" if you have sex twice/week... twice/month.... twice/year? The sociocultural messages might make you think that your sexual frequency is abnormal. What do you do in a situation like this? Do you ask your friends? Most people who come into my office are not asking their friends.... they're too afraid that their friends will think their abnormal! So... a lot of people walk around wondering if they are normal.

My attitude is sex-positive. What that means in relation to sexual frequency is that there is no such thing as "normal." As a sexologist, my opinion is that people should be having as much sex as they want... as long as they are not hurting or exploiting other people. The fantastic thing about sex is that there are many ways to enjoy sexual stimulation... even if you have a partner who has a different sexual appetite. Sex can include a variety of activities that accommodate one's energy level.

More on this topic later...
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