Before I started
my journey into counseling and self-discovery, I believed that courage was a
word that was reserved for almighty heroes- picture brave men in armor going
out to war. Perhaps I read too many fairy tales or saw too many stereotypical
movies, but the word courage seemed like something much bigger than something I
could relate to in my every day life. Turns out, I was very wrong. Now, I want
to share with you what I learned about courage and how this can help you toward
your personal goals of change and growth.
Courage lives in
every day actions. While facing your biggest fears requires courage, so does
choosing to get up in the morning at times. A simple way I like to define
courage is this: taking risks beyond your comfort zone, in the direction you
wish to be facing. The word “beyond” does not mean throwing yourself in the
deep end, or reaching your ultimate goal of the “perfect you.” It can be far
more subtle than that; and in fact, I would argue that small daily acts of
courage will lead you to toward your goal more fully and fruitfully than taking
the express train out of your comfort zone and arriving somewhere highly
unfamiliar. For example, lets say you want to become more social, specifically,
to make more friends. The picture perfect of courage in this instance might be
to go to a party full of people you don’t know, and be completely cool,
charming, captivating, delightful, fabulous…(you see where I am going here?). This
notion of courage, the kind that requires extreme discomfort/fear and for you to
be someone that you are not, not only invalidates your strengths, but also sets
you up to fail and feel discouraged
to try again.
The kind of
courage I want to shine a light on in this excerpt is the kind that usually goes
unnoticed to those around you, and oftentimes, to yourself. It’s the kind that
you only hear when you listen, and that grows when nurtured. This kind of
courage exists just for you, and is custom made for your own personal goals. How
can you capitalize on this valuable resource? Here is a general outline to help
you access and build upon your courage and in turn reach your goals:
1)
Build awareness – Become aware of what courage looks and feels
like to you. Being clear on what exactly courage is helps you to see and seize
opportunities to engage it. We all encounter challenges every day that require our
courage (interacting with others, asking questions, offering help, expressing
feelings…anything that makes you feel a tinge of vulnerability). What does
courage mean to you? What does it look like in relation to your personal goals?
Turn inward and look for that that sense of potential to do or think something that
may help you become or achieve something you want to. Ask yourself what risk
you could take that would be just one step outside of your comfort zone.
*Reminder: Often times, society’s portrayal of courage invalidates
subtle, daily-life courage (the gold we are talking about!), so it helpful to continually
remind yourself that courage is about what feels courageous to you, not what it may look like for
anyone else.
2)
Practice – Use your newfound
awareness consciously. When you find that balance point between risk and
reward, try it, get creative, and trust that you can do it. If it does not work
out, fear not- you also have the courage to make mistakes. It takes far more
courage to try something, fall short, and try again, than it does to get it
right on the first go. Trust that you can get back up on the horse- you can,
and you can bring a deepened sense of courage and resiliency with you.
3)
Give yourself credit – people
often forget this last step, and yet it may be the most important steps of all!
Its important to give yourself credit for
the courage you manifest every day. By validating your skills, it helps to build
your confidence- that sense of “I CAN.” It is that sense that is true courage,
not an idealistic “perfect you”.
The purpose of offering this general
outline was to encourage you. To
encourage is not to pressure, demand or criticize. It involves listening to
your needs and goals, and nurturing them with compassion. Encourage yourself
and encourage others, as it is the small acts of courage that occur every day
which help us create the change we want to see in our lives.
And when it doubt, have the courage to be
imperfect J
submitted by Naomi Adams, Graduate Student Intern
