Four-Step Priority Plan for Parents

Recently, someone sent me one of those annoying group emails, a “Four-Step Priority Plan for Mothers.” Having a couple kids myself, and often feeling like a chicken with my head cut off, I was somewhat intrigued. That is, until I saw who wrote it -- Dr. Phil. I don’t know about you, but I sometimes find him pat, insensitive, and/or completely predictable. I reluctantly perused the advice in the email, and much to my surprise, I really found the article to be helpful. If you are a parent (this stuff doesn’t just apply to moms) maybe you’ll find it interesting too. Here is his advice, modified a bit to accommodate all parents:

Four-Step Priority Plan for Parents

1. Get over the guilt

- Don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself. It’s not selfish to make yourself a priority.
- Redefine what it means to be a “good mother,” or a “good father,” or a “good aunt, uncle,
caretaker, step-parent, guardian, foster-parent...” Instead of using society’s definition, create
your own measure of success as a parent/step-parent/guardian.
- A good parent/step-parent/guardian is not one who only sacrifices; a good parent/step-
parent/guardian is also able to give of herself or himself. If you don’t have passion and
happiness in your own life, you can’t give it to your children.
- Give yourself permission to be more than half of a couple, more than “just” a mom or dad
or...

2. Make yourself a priority.

- Don’t confuse the quality and quantity of your time. They simply aren’t the same things.
Focus on the impact that your time does have, and give yourself the same attention you’d give
someone else you love.
- Don’t do everything for your children. They are able to do some tasks on their own. Take the
time to teach them how to do things for themselves.
- Learn the art of saying no, the ability to delegate and the capacity to accept help without
feeling guilty.

3. Discover your passions.

- Find something that you love to do. What gives you a sense of pride, accomplishment or
enjoyment?
- Think back to when you last felt this sort of passion. Now, ask yourself: “What would it take
to put that feeling back into my life? What can I do to recreate that feeling now?”
- When you’ve found your passion, make time for it in your regular schedule. Don’t allow
yourself to treat this “me time” as an option. It should be as important as anything else.


4. Gain the support of your family.

- This isn’t always easy, but it can be done. Let your family know how and why you need to do
things for yourself - so you can be a better parent/step-parent/guardian and ultimately, a
better person.
- Compromise with your family. Help them to understand that while things may change, you
won’t be abandoning them.



Written by Devony Baugh
Graduate Intern at The Shanti Counselling Centre