Good Luck? Bad Luck?

There is a Chinese story of a farmer who used an old horse to till his fields. One day, the horse escaped into the hills and when the farmer's neighbors sympathized with the old man over his bad luck, the farmer replied, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?" A week later, the horse returned with a herd of horses from the hills and this time the neighbors congratulated the farmer on his good luck. His reply was, "Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?"

Then, when the farmer's son was attempting to tame one of the wild horses, he fell off its back and broke his leg. Everyone thought this was very bad luck. Not the farmer, whose only reaction was, "Bad luck? Good luck? Who knows?"

Some weeks later, the army marched into the village and conscripted every able-bodied youth they found there. When they saw the farmer's son with his broken leg, they let him off. Now was that good luck or bad luck?

Who knows?
The truth is that that are many situations in our lives that we can never really know the “truth.” How are we to know that we may have missed getting into a car accident because we hit every red light on the way to work… or that the person who broke our heart taught us exactly what we will need to know to be enormously happy with our next love? In those moments when life seems to be throwing its worst at us, sometimes it is less about truth and more about choice. We always can choose the truth we want to believe. So next time it seems like you are on a run of bad luck maybe ask yourself – I wonder what good may come out of this? Down the road the things you would call bad luck today, could become the very same things you are grateful for.

By Constance Hummel
Graduate Intern at The Shanti Counselling Centre

Self-Acceptance, the Radical (New Year's) Resolution

January is often the time of year when people make decisions to change the things that they don't like about themselves. It tends to come in the form of a New Year's resolution. We probably don't need to look very hard or very long to notice the things we don't like about ourselves or our lives. For some of us, in an instant we could say about ourselves, "I'm too fat, I look old, I don't exercise enough, I hate my nose, I wish my hair were fuller, god, my gut hangs out, I hate my clothes..." For some of us the list of things we are discontent about ourselves could go on and on and on. And very often, it's in January that we ritualistically make the resolution to change those things we hate the most. Sometimes the resolution can prompt real, profound, life-long, positive change in people and that is wonderful. Sometimes, however, the resolution is a mere temporary bandaid to try to fix something about ourselves that can be resolved only with a brand new inner view of ourselves.
This is my radical new idea. Let's stop for a moment and examine what is so damaging about all those things we hate the most about ourselves. For me, it would be my thighs - fat and jiggly, and so embarrassing to expose in a bathing suit. I could resolve to loose 50 pounds, start a weight loss program, join the gym and attack my hateful thighs. I could do that, but deep down, I wonder if there's any external action I could realistically take to truly like my thighs. If I'm being honest I can see myself becoming a size 6 and still hating my thighs. I want to do something completely different this year. I want to shift my discontent on it's head, and find the things that are actually wonderful about my thighs. I want to not only stop hating my thighs, but actually like them, appreciate them, accept them. I want to become re-acquainted with my thighs and make them my friend (and I'm not trying to be silly here). I truly want to be at peace with myself, with every bit of me.
This is what I propose for myself and everyone who wants to give up the hate. Imagine what it would feel like to stop hating parts of yourself. Really think about how freeing that would feel. Slowly and gently examine one thing that you hate with a non-critical eye and see the wonder in it; see what is marvelously acceptable about this hateful part of you. My thighs, for example, hold my body upright when I stand. They are strong and profoundly helpful. They work hard for me. I would mourn the loss of them if I didn't have them or if they couldn't work for some reason. When I start thinking along these lines, I can actually be grateful for them, appreciative of them and accept them because I see how important they are to me and how much they benefit my life.
It will not feel natural to make such a shift for those of us who have hated a part of ourselves for years. And advertisers will be sure to remind us regularly that we really should not be content with the way things are. But I encourage you and me both, to hold on to the acceptance, the appreciation for ourselves the way we are. Contrary to their message, I'm here to boldly say, you are sufficient and you are innately valuable... and so is your nose, your body, your gut, my thighs...

The You-are-Acceptable Count Down

1. Ask yourself, "Am I willing to consider giving up hating my____(self, weight, hair, nose, thighs)?"
2. If you are, find some time to quietly spend with yourself to think or journal about the following.
3. Gently, not scornfully, notice what you've been hating about yourself. Name it. Name as many parts of yourself that you've been hating as you feel you can handle. You can always go back to the beginning and start with a different part when you're ready.
4. Imagine this hate not existing for this part of you any longer. What would that be like?
5. Now gently and curiously examine what is wonderful, helpful, necessary, funny, delightful, and positive about this part. If the old hateful feelings and language come creeping in, just remind them, they've already had plenty of air time in your life, they can go away now because now it's time to hear the positives.
6. Relish these positives and let them sink in. Notice how true it is that these parts of you really do have a wonderful side.
7. Notice what you're feeling. Is it gratitude? appreciation? relief? joy? value? Marvel at these feelings because they may be quite foreign in regard to this part of you.
8. Decide on an approach you'll take when the old, negative, hateful feelings or thoughts want to creep back in. What will you say to yourself when you hear or see an ad that is telling you that you should not feel so content? Perhaps something like, "You (thought or feeling) may want me to feel awful about this part of me, but actually, I've notice how wonderful, how helpful, how needed that part of me is. And you can stop reminding me now of how I used to hate it."
9. Ground yourself regularly with mindfulness, meditation, journalling, prayer, or all of the above to soak yourself again in the acceptability of your whole self.
10. Believe and say to yourself that you are innately valuable, because it is true.


by Devonay Baugh
Graduate Intern at The Shanti Counelling Centre

How is Your Stress Inventory?

We all know that too much stress is a bad thing. It adversely impacts our relationships, our wake-sleep cycle, our eating patterns, our immune systems, our memory, it reduces our tolerance for frustration, increases our blood pressure and cortisol levels, decreases our sex drive… and on and on.

I don’t know about you, but I have found there have been times in my life when my stress level has snuck up on me, taking me completely by surprise. Before I knew it, I would be having a full-blown melt down over the lovely person driving 10 km below the speed limit, in front of me. In these moments of derailment, I have been genuinely shocked at just how stressed out I was, and yet didn’t know it. “How in the world did I get here?,” I would wonder. What is the big deal here?

I’d take stock of my life and notice, oh yeah, I have been working kind of hard lately, and, look at my hands, there’s that rash I get only when I’m exhausted and stressed out. My point is, if I had only been paying attention a lot earlier, I would have noticed the signs telling me to slow down, that I’ve taken on too much, that I’m getting stressed out.

My question for you is: what are your signs of stress? How does your body tell you that you’ve tipped the balance between healthy and adverse stress levels? Do you develop cold sores? Do you wake up before your alarm? Do you wake in the middle of the night? Are you skipping your meditation, your yoga, your exercise routines? Do your kids, partner, co-workers, irritate you a little more than usual? Do you have a little rash forming on your hands? Have you stopped eating? Have you started eating way more than you need? Is your stomach cramping up more and more? Does everyone around you seem like they are walking or driving too slowly?

Notice. Look at your life gently. How are you, really? If you’re great, well done! If you’re raging through you’re life, carefully notice it now. You can be in the Driver’s Seat re: what can be done about it. As for me, I’m paying attention to that little rash on my hand.


by Devony Baugh
Graduate Intern at The Shanti Counselling Centre